The Winged Heart

See the original list here.

These questions have no right or wrong answers.

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
   It wouldn’t matter as much how old I was.  Not knowing how old I was, or how old other people were, would probably help me go for things I might not have before.  I put too much time and thought into comparing myself to talented people who are younger than I am.  For example, watching So You Think You Can Dance, and seeing dancers on there who have danced all their lives, and are only 18 or 19 now, it really discourages me into thinking I’m too old to start something like dance.  I do the same thing with art and cosplay, too.  I’m definitely getting over thinking the other way around though, that I’m too young for something like starting my own business, or living for happiness instead of working for survival.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
   Never trying, without a doubt.  Failing might knock you down and lower your self-esteem, but you at least get experience out of it.  Never trying might be comfortable for a while, but the regret and lack of experience will bring you down even further than failing.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
   Delayed gratification, working now to play later, a sense of obligation and responsibility and sticking to the norm.  This is probably the number one thing in my life I’m trying to get past right now.  I’m expected to have a job, whether I like it or not, and earn income.  I am fine with working hard to earn a living, but if I’m not happy with what I’m doing, I’m going to stop doing that.  If it takes me a year of living off my husband’s income to figure out what I can do for money that I do enjoy, so be it.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
   I’m probably already pretty behind on the doing portion of this equation, so I may never catch up.  Maybe if I stop talking and start doing.  I have been doing a lot of doing lately =)
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
   Equal access to the pursuit of happiness for all people.  The sad part about this wish is that I think it’s more for myself, to keep me from feeling guilty for having the privilege to pursue my own happiness, and taking advantage of that privilege.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
   Expressing my creative ideas from the heart, making a positive difference in the world, supporting and loving my family.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
   I just stopped settling.  =)  Getting my feet wet in the believing and doing part.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
   Probably wouldn’t have gone to college, which would be unfortunate because that’s where I met my husband.  I’d probably already be a mother.  I’m not sure my life would be lived more thoughtfully if my life span was 40 years, it just doesn’t seem like enough time to cram in all of the life stuff and all the happiness stuff.  I’d be too simultaneously raising children or planning my parents’ funeral, or maybe my kids would be getting married already.  Haha, I can’t look at this question from a non-practical angle.  I guess it’s still a good answer, because I feel like I have an abundance of life and free time ahead of me with my 80 year life span, instead of worrying about the seconds ticking away.  You’ve gotta find a balance between making every second count and fretting about the swift passage of time.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
   I chose the activities I wanted to do in high school, I kind of chose my college, I chose the boys I wanted to date, and eventually chose the man I wanted to marry.  Together, we chose the city we wanted to live in.  But in many other areas I’ve just been content to take what’s handed to me.  There are some things in life you can’t control, and there are things you can control but it’s easier to just accept them the way they are.  This wasn’t working out for me, now I’m moving towards life design and a life with intention.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
    Neither of these seem like good qualities if they’re taken to the extreme.  I try to plan and get things right the first time, without being a perfectionist about it.  Sometimes I can see the merit in just jumping in without worrying about making mistakes, other times my own displeasure in my work leads me to give up halfway through.   Then on the side of doing the right things, it depends on how you look at it.  Doing the right things for me, the things that make me happy, is of vital importance.  I tend to get hung up on the part where I think about what I’m supposed to be doing, either what society dictates (get a job, work hard, don’t expect to enjoy your job) or what I feel guilty about (don’t buy that dress, there are homeless people on the street).  Both of these expectations can be crippling.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
    Knowing me and how I react when people criticize movies or other things that I liked, I would probably either keep quiet until my opinion is asked, or give my positive opinion on the friend.  I think any further actions would really depend on the closeness of the friend, or how close the friend is to the other two people.  I’m the type of person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, so I would probably wonder if the pair had a justified reason for their comments that I was unaware of.  I’m not really sure how far I would go in this situation.  Far enough to defend my friend, but embarrass the other two?  Am I positive they are being unjust and deserve to be embarrassed for their comments?  I’m a Libra through and through, you’ll never get a decision out of me aliiive!
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
    Babies can’t understand me!  Assuming this is written for the child to find later, I’m not sure.  All of a sudden all the cliche phrases of “Do what you love” and “Don’t worry about what other people think” are finally meaning something to me, but I know they didn’t have any impact on my life until I jumped in and discovered unhappiness in complacency first-hand.  I want to tell the kid: do whatever makes you happy no matter what!  But I know they’ll just grow up thinking “Of course, duh, I am happy” and then take a job doing something they turn out not to like because they need the money and it’s a good job, and they’ll have to fall into a deep pit of depression for themselves before they realize what it means to do what makes them happy no matter what.  So I guess I would tell them something more practical, like take care of your teeth so they don’t cause you trouble later.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
    Depends on the law and situation of course, but yes, of course.  There are plenty of laws that don’t serve enough of a legal purpose to deter a life-or-death situation.  Like speeding your friend to the ER.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
    Maybe in dance.  I didn’t really like or understand dance for a long time, it seemed kind of silly and weird.  Now that I’m into So You Think You Can Dance, I see so many things I never saw before.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
    This is a tough one.  Constantly justify my actions in my head?  Quit my job without a plan?  I’m not really sure.  I used to have “I am unique and better and more thoughtful and harder-working and more creative and smarter than everyone around me” teenager syndrome, but I think I’ve largely gotten over that.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
    Creative differences?  Getting past the silly factor?  Haha.  What, doesn’t everyone like dressing up in costumes or designing mystery rooms?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
    I’m having trouble thinking of something.  I don’t know if this means I do all the things I want to do right away, or I refrain from wishing for things too far out of reach.  Go to Europe?  And money/time off is holding me back.  Beating the Stone, and the stupid answers are holding me back =)
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
    Maybe the things I think other people expect me to do, or the things I expect myself to do, or the things I tell myself I can’t do for whatever reason.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?”
    Maybe Japan, *maybe*, because I’ve been there before and know my way around and like some things about it, but only if I didn’t have to work there and actually be a part of society, and if I could get out of Tokyo sometimes.  Maybe a cool, romantic European country.  Maybe Sicily, somewhere so romantic and inspiring you can’t help but live for your dreams every day.  In the States, if I didn’t have any friends or family to be close to, I would retire to Wyoming in a heartbeat.  Such a beautiful romantic state, the wind is always blowing so fiercely, I had a wonderful experience in Wyoming during a childhood summer thanks to my Grandpa Hank.  Maybe I would live on a ranch like the one I stayed at that summer.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
    Only the Close Door button, elevators aren’t the smartest human transportation system in the bunch.  And I get impatient when I’m leaving work.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
    This is really tough.  What does it mean to be a simpleton?  Aren’t all people smart about something?  Does this question mean mentally challenged?  It’s hard to imagine what that must be like, my mind automatically equates it with less aware of my self, or my surroundings, which I something I don’t think I would elect to experience, even if I was happier.
22. Why are you, you?
    Because I’m aware of my thoughts and feelings.
    
    
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
    Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  I think I can be a good listener, and I’m kind, and maybe give good advice and encouragement.  But I’m dreadful about keeping in touch, or spending time with people.  I’d like to send more gifts and letters.
    
    
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
    Neither of these is inherently bad.  Things change, life goes on.  You’re at least still in good touch (it is implied) with the friend who moves away, and there may be a reason to have lost touch with the good friend who lives nearby.
    
    
25. What are you most grateful for?
    My husband.  He supports me and encourages me and loves me even when I’m silly, and having him in my life gives me back all of the time and energy I used to spend thinking about finding love.
    
    
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
    Again, never being able to make new memories implies a loss of a sense of self-awareness, which I can’t give up.  It’s the only thing that scares me about death.  So I would definitely rather lose my old memories.
    
    
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
    So many “truths” are relative and subjective, so sure.
    
    
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
    Probably at some point, but I don’ remember.  I guess that’s a good thought for the future.
    
    
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
    I remember, no it doesn’t, not at all.  But it taught me some new things about myself.
    
    
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    Just one?  Playing with my brother and Kaci in the basement, using my imagination and  playing and enjoying pure childhood.  Going out west with Grandpa Hank, seeing new places and experiencing the romance of the American West.  Summer nights eating dinner with my family with the door to the back porch open, the atmosphere of summer and home-cooked meals.  Christmas eve and morning with my family, the comfort of traditions and the atmosphere and excitement of the holidays.
    
    
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
    Working on CausePlay and Mystery House.
    
    
32. If not now, then when?
    July 22nd.
    
    
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
    noothiing..  ._.  (some of these questions are making me feel like a little kid being scolded)
    
    
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
    Maybe?
    
    
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
    Because people are told to believe in their religion with all their heart and devote their lives to it, or else.  That kind of passion and devotion with the condition of “or else” can make people do scary things.
    
    
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
    For some things, yes.
    
    
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
    I’m already quitting my job, sans million dollars.  If I won a million dollars I would do more of what I’m about to start doing, which will maybe be my job someday, so no.
    
    
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
    MORE MORE MORE.  In moderation.
    
    
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
    Sometimes yes.
    
    
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
    Four days ago.
    
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    My parents, my brother, Nick’s family.
    
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    No.
    
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    The difference between taking what’s handed to you and just getting by, and seeking out your happiness and working directly towards it.
    
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    When your heart can’t take it anymore and you’re not getting any happier just planning.
    
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    Mistakes make us feel dumb immediately, the learning part is only appreciated after the fact.
    
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    Tell my co-workers about the projects I’m going to do when I quit my job.  Talk more openly about cosplay and hip hop dancing.
    
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    This question is silly.  I don’t like noticing my breathing, it makes me feel too fragile and paralyzes me.
    
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    Cosplay, my husband, writing, talking to friends, yes yes yes.
    
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
    No, no, maybe.  I’m working on it, jeeze, leave me alone, questions.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    I’m making them, I’m free already!  Get out of here you silly questions!  I’ll read you again when I get caught back up in the daily grind at some point.